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The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure is a 2012 (even though production for this film ended in 2009, akin to Foodfight!) American interactive adventure film for children directed by Matthew Diamond. It is the brainchild of Teletubbies marketer Ken Viselman, who could not obtain rights to make a movie based on said series due to his clashes with the series' creator and decided to use an obscure show based in Detroit called My Bedbugs to turn it into this. It was a critical and commercial disaster, grossing $1.1 million against a $20 million budget and displacing Delgo's record for worst opening weekend for a film playing in over 2,000 theatres, with the $443,901 it took working out as an average of less than two people present per screening.

Plot

The film opens with an introduction explaining the interactive nature of the movie and introducing the Oogieloves, Goobie, Zoozie, and Toofie.

The Oogieloves awake to prepare a surprise birthday party for their living pillow Schluufy, with the aid of Windy Window the magical window, J. Edgar the vacuum cleaner (because toddlers will surely know who J. Edgar Hoover is) and Ruffy the fish. However, J. Edgar accidentally releases the five magical balloons they bought for Schluufy, so the Oogieloves set out to retrieve them.

The first balloon is found at the treehouse home of Dotty Rounder (Cloris Leachman) who is obsessed with circles, and her daughter Jubilee (Kylie Dakota). The second is found at the milkshake cafe of Marvin Milkshake (Chazz Palminteri), who has them participate in a milkshake contest for the balloon. The third balloon is found in possession of Rosalie Rosebud (Toni Braxton), a pop singer who denies her allergy to roses. The fourth balloon is by the truck of Bobbly Wobbly (Cary Elwes), a cowboy with an unusual walk. The last balloon is found on top of a windmill, where the Oogieloves retrieve it with the help of Lola and Lero Sombrero (Jaime Pressly and Christopher Lloyd), who ride a giant flying sombrero.

Just before they reach home with all the balloons, the Oogieloves accidentally release them again but blow kisses to persuade them to return. They then hold the surprise party for Schluufy, who did not awake until just before their return.

Why It Sucks

  1. A movie actively encouraging toddlers to get up and mess around inside a theatre full of steps to fall off and steel-framed seats for them to hit their heads on is not a good idea. In addition, parents may be immune to realising how annoying their own children are in movie theaters, but this instinct notably does not extend to anyone else's. The fact that it was released to theaters nationwide instead of being an obscure straight-to-video abomination just makes it even worse.
  2. The Oogieloves themselves are creepy-looking, with unexpressive faces (in particular, their eyebrows are totally static), mouths that can barely open, arms that bulge weirdly, obvious seams in their heads, lower eyelids that are always part-closed and make them look stoned, and soulless glassy eyes that constantly reflect the studio lights. The fact that they are placed in the presence of actual humans, where it turns out they are about seven feet tall and have heads so big they could reasonably fit an adult's entire head in their mouth, does not help in the slightest. They are even more grating than the Teletubbies. Schluufy and the side characters look even more unsettling.
  3. The songs are pointless and would rather be jeered at than danced to, such as the song about nasal congestion and the song about Penelope having bunions and being gassy.
  4. The plot is paper-thin.
  5. Poor attempts at comedy, whether there are running gags ("Goofy Toofie! Pick up your pants!") or lame puns (a tree house shaped like a teapot = a treepot).
  6. Weirdness and nonsense all around (wrong science facts, a Mexican walking like an Egyptian, and a Spanish person playing East-Indian music).
  7. For a movie aimed at toddlers, the camera is sure interested in showing off Jubilee's rear. Same when Toofie says "I can't wait to get the snipples again!" (the abomination is probably trying to say "sniffles," but it doesn't sound like it at all)
  8. It wasted the talents of Christopher Lloyd (who really needs to fire his agent), Cary Elwes, Chazz Palminteri, and others who were involved in it.
  9. It features a very creepy scene where Cary Elwes dresses as a cowboy and asks the Oogieloves to come into the back of his truck for some "Bobbly Wobbly fun" which does not exactly sound wholesome to an adult viewer. This again teaches kids to trust weird strangers who ask you if you'd like to get into their vehicle and they'd give you something.
  10. The infuriatingly stupid ending makes the whole journey seeking the balloons pointless, to begin with.
  11. The lyrics to Windy Window's song sound like they were written by Dr. Seuss while drunk and horribly depressed.

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